I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
