Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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