I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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