Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Two words: nipple clamps
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