Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
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She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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