Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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