im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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