People with herpes should wear stickers.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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