shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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