Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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