We named our party play list daddy issues
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
