Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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