I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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