Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
