I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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