he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
