Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
