i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
