I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
