I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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