swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
