There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
