That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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