I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
