he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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