your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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