Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
