Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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