Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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