God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
