just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
