Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
