I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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