Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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