Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
