he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
