I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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