i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
