yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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