I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
