I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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