You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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