Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
