Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
