I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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