I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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