I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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