i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
