We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
