i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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