I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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