sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
