I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
