Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is wine microwaveable?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
