my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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