wanna go halves on a baby?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
