you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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