I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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