he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
