You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
