Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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