i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
